America First. On Its Knees.

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Rubio says Ukraine currently has no Starshield access. The Starlink slowdown? Apparently it “sort of happened.”

How comforting. A country fighting for survival gets the diplomatic equivalent of “have you tried restarting the router?”

Meanwhile, Washington keeps explaining why none of this is its fault.

My unpopular opinion? This administration is sucking Putin’s dick and expecting the rest of us to applaud its negotiating position.

Ukraine needs reliable support. Putin gets the presidential girlfriend experience.

I am angry too. While the fat orange blimp-in-chief continues to give Putin hand jobs with a happy ending, rewarding the aggressor with diesel deals, it feels like much of the rest of the world is standing with Ukraine—and still struggling to compensate for Washington’s choices.

So, my American people: fucking vote! Get rid of these retards! Ukraine, keep fighting!

Sour thought: Apparently the only thing Washington won’t put pressure on is Putin.

Personal commentary and satire. The image depicts an imagined scene; the sexual language is a metaphor for political subservience.

Reporting: Associated Press. Rubio said Ukraine currently lacks access to Starshield, the military service, and denied that Washington ordered the Starlink slowdown. These are distinct services; this is not a claim that Ukraine has lost all Starlink connectivity. Responsibility for the reported restrictions remains disputed.