Berlin: Road to Nowhere. Replacement Bus Service Unavailable.

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Berlin has a plan.

Please remain calm. There is currently no evidence that anything has been implemented.

Linke, Greens and SPD have finished exploratory talks and want to begin coalition negotiations. We have successfully completed the meeting about whether to hold the meetings.

Somebody order commemorative tote bags.

Their housing plans include taking large private housing holdings into public ownership, with compensation, alongside an ambitious building programme.

Because when people can’t find a flat, the obvious political temptation is to spend years arguing over who owns the flats that already exist.

Changing the landlord might help tenants. It does not, by itself, create an additional fucking bedroom.

And yes, they also propose new housing. Good. Show me the sites, the financing, the builders and the completion dates. I would like to see a housing policy progress beyond its natural Berlin habitat: the press conference.

Then there’s the political housekeeping.

The parties had to negotiate commitments against antisemitism. Those commitments subsequently became a source of disagreement and interrupted the talks.

I’m sorry, but “Jewish people should be safe” ought to be an entry requirement for government, not the difficult bonus question at the coalition pub quiz.

Apparently even the moral floor requires several drafts and a working group.

Meanwhile, the plan contains perfectly reasonable ambitions: better public transport, affordable housing, functioning public services.

Wonderful. I support the revolutionary concept of a city doing its fucking job.

But that is precisely why I’m tired of the performance. People need somewhere to live and a government capable of delivering. They do not need another professionally photographed declaration that delivery remains a shared aspiration.

And before the CDU starts polishing its halo: being able to identify a circus does not automatically qualify you to run the city. You still need a credible answer beyond pointing at the clowns.

My problem is the widening gap between political certainty and practical competence.

Every party knows exactly how society should work. Somehow, getting the machinery to work remains beneath the dignity of the manifesto.

We’re on a road to nowhere.

Berlin will shortly announce a consultation on whether the road should be renamed.

Sour thought: The rent is due on the first. Political accountability remains available by appointment.

Personal commentary and satire. The comic’s scenes and dialogue are imagined. The agreement discussed is an exploratory paper, subject to party approval and coalition negotiations—not an enacted government programme.

Reporting: Tagesschau on the exploratory agreement and antisemitism dispute; dpa’s summary of the proposals.