Passport Cancelled. Welcome to Florida.

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Flávio Bolsonaro is under investigation for alleged money laundering, denies wrongdoing, and was ordered to surrender his passports. He left Brazil anyway. Brazilian authorities cancelled his passports, and the Trump administration said he and his family would receive US visas.

How the fuck does this journey have fewer complications than me trying to change the name on a Ryanair booking?

You put one letter wrong on an airline ticket and suddenly you’re an international security incident.

This man has a Brazilian court asking for his travel documents and Washington is apparently asking whether he prefers an aisle seat.

Welcome to America. Please declare any fruit, vegetables or inconvenient judicial proceedings.

Actually, keep the proceedings. We have somewhere for those.

Florida.

Of course it’s Florida. The state increasingly resembles a departure lounge for men who believe elections are sacred until someone counts them.

Lose an election. Denounce the result. Head north.

At this point, the Bolsonaro family needs a loyalty programme.

Congratulations! Your third constitutional crisis includes complimentary lounge access.

And what happened to all that magnificent tough-on-immigration energy?

The forms! The vetting! The furious speeches about people entering the country with questionable documentation!

Apparently, somewhere in the immigration system, there’s a dropdown menu:

Reason for visit:
Business.
Tourism.
Friends in high places.

Select the third option and a tiny golden escalator appears.

I’m not saying a money-laundering investigation proves guilt. It doesn’t. He denies wrongdoing.

I’m saying that when a court orders you to hand over your passports, “see you in Miami” is a remarkably ambitious interpretation of compliance.

Most of us see “documents required” and start looking for a printer.

These people start looking for a Gulfstream.

And the White House welcomes him?

Well, perhaps “money laundering” sounds less alarming in a building where every ethical question seems to end with somebody selling a commemorative item.

“Sir, there are concerns about suspicious financial activity.”

“Terrible. Is there a licensing opportunity?”

You can practically imagine the welcome basket: sunscreen, golf tees and a little embroidered towel reading ACCOUNTABILITY IS FOR OTHER PEOPLE.

Meanwhile, ordinary travellers are standing at border control explaining why they visited their cousin twice.

“Purpose of your trip?”
“Family.”
“How long?”
“Ten days.”
“Do you intend to return home?”
“Yes.”
“Suspicious. Step aside.”

Behind them, a politically connected man arrives amid a money-laundering probe and gets the geopolitical equivalent of:

“Oh, you know Donald? Why didn’t you SAY?”

I used to think the rich lived in a different world.

Turns out they live in the same world. They just have a boarding pass that works when the passport doesn’t.

America First. Accountability: please check with your country of origin.