Apparently, My Subconscious Has Amazon Prime

By Dani Lemonade

5 views · Counting since 7 Oct 2026

Cartoon of an athletic blonde woman in a Frankenboobs T-shirt hiding a horse delivery from Mike.

Last night I dreamed I was opening a food truck. Apparently, my subconscious has reviewed my career prospects and decided I should sell chips.

Then I ordered a horse on Amazon.

My main concern wasn’t where to keep it. It was how to hide the delivery from Mike.

“Another parcel?”
“No.”
“Dani, it’s eating the hedge.”

Meanwhile, in the waking nightmare we call recruitment, I had a screening interview with an AI avatar more judgemental than Karen from HR.

I can only assume eye-rolling is now grounds for immediate rejection. Which is unfortunate, because my eyes were halfway through submitting their own resignation.

Fuck that shit. If you’re going to judge me, at least have the decency to possess a pulse.

So I bailed on the call.

Perhaps OnlyFans is the only career option left. Although I’m not sure there’s a thriving market for Frankenboobs: my affectionate name for the scarred reconstruction project breast cancer left behind.

Subscribe for exclusive content. Some assembly required.

Anyway, take this as your daily affirmation:

You don’t have to have it all together. I’m apparently one click away from a food truck, a secret horse and a subscription-based cleavage business.

I am losing it.

But apparently, delivery is free. 🤣