Java the Labrador Has a World Record. I Have a Chair Full of Laundry.

By Dani Lemonade

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Java the black Labrador attaching clothes pegs to a washing line with Lisa Rickards — Java gets on with the pegs. I’m still negotiating with the laundry chair. Photo via Guinness World Records.

Java, a five-year-old black Labrador from Missouri, put eight clothes pegs on a washing line in one minute. With her mouth. Guinness World Records covered it this week, which is how I found out a dog is now better at getting the laundry started than I am.

Java originally trained to be a service dog. The programme decided she wasn’t a good fit, so Lisa Rickards, who’d raised her as a puppy, adopted her back. They got into canine sports and tricks, and now Java has a world record in a household task I’ve been putting off since Tuesday.

I ran the numbers for my own household.

Hazel has 2.7 million views for dancing on a beach. If I handed her a clothes peg, she’d look at me like I’d asked her to do an unpaid brand collaboration.

Eazy would lie on the warm laundry. By the time I got it back, the black T-shirts would be beige. She’d consider that a full rebrand.

To be clear, the record is for putting the pegs on the line. The actual washing is still somebody else’s problem. Java has figured out how to get international recognition for doing the bit she likes and leaving the rest to a colleague.

Frankly, she’s ready for management.

Today’s Sour Thought

A Labrador got a Guinness World Record for touching the laundry. I’d settle for a second person in this house knowing where the fucking basket is.

See Java and her record on Guinness World Records