Meanwhile, Lex Luthor Has Discovered Launch Control

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Satellites, a flying car and an accountability problem. Where the hell is Batman?

While Katie Zacharia was discovering that her White House career came with the lifespan of a supermarket avocado, Elon Musk was busy supplying the supervillain subplot.

The Telegraph, citing four sources, reported that Musk proposed restricting Ukraine’s satellite service to Trump, who agreed. That account, summarized by the Kyiv Independent, remains disputed: Musk has pointed responsibility toward Washington, while Trump has denied responsibility.

Apparently the future of warfare includes two powerful men pointing at each other like toddlers standing beside a broken television.

Except the television is military communications. And people need it to survive.

The reported restriction concerned Starshield terminals operating on fast-moving platforms, interfering with Ukrainian drone operations—including interceptors used against Russian attacks. This was considerably more serious than Netflix buffering during someone’s fucking yacht holiday. Reuters explains the restrictions and the disputed responsibility.

Meanwhile, Musk unveiled a Roadster that uses thrusters to leap and perform aerial stunts. AP describes the demonstration as autonomous; production is promised for 2028.

A billionaire with a satellite network, proximity to the president and a car performing aerial gymnastics.

At what point does the board meeting become a hostage video?

You can almost picture the underground lair: a revolving chair, an enormous screen, and a terrified assistant explaining that the shark-mounted lasers are delayed pending shareholder approval.

The man keeps presenting himself as humanity’s future while giving the distinct impression that humanity should have read the cancellation policy.

Where the hell is Batman?

And yes, Lex Luthor is technically Superman’s problem. At this stage I am accepting assistance across franchises. Send Batman. Send Superman. Send the fucking Scooby-Doo gang. Someone needs to pull the mask off this innovation seminar.

We were promised technology that would improve human life.

We seem to have received a billionaire with launch control and an accountability problem.

Sour thought: The flying car is coming. The moral compass remains out of stock.

Satirical commentary on reported events. The comic’s scenes and dialogue, the lair and the superhero interventions are fictional.