The Weekly Squeeze: Wall Street Lost the Plot. Hazel Got 2.7 Million Views.

By Dani Lemonade

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Democrats took both chambers of Congress. Wall Street celebrated on Wednesday and threw up on Thursday. And Hazel got 2.7 million views on YouTube. Guess which one of them is getting a bigger dinner.

The blue tsunami

The Democrats swept the midterms and won control of the House and Senate. Trump now has to deal with a Congress that can ask follow-up questions. As someone who’s sat through corporate leadership meetings, I can tell you that the second question is usually where the trouble starts. Source

Elon’s almost half-trillion-dollar oops

Tesla and SpaceX shed about $456 billion in combined market value over two days. Musk’s personal paper loss was about $113 billion, according to Fortune’s reporting on the Bloomberg Billionaires Index. For a second there I was worried he might have to cancel a subscription. Source

Have you tried turning the AI boom off and on again?

The Nasdaq dropped 5.5% on Thursday as investors sold off stocks tied to the AI data-centre buildout. After years of being told AI would replace all of us, it turns out the future still needs somebody to approve a building permit. Source

Merz discovers the positive performance review

Friedrich Merz told an SPD economic forum that the coalition works together better than people realise. Pension reform and a proposed sugar tax are still up for debate. I recognise this from my corporate years. The team is performing brilliantly. Please direct all evidence to a separate meeting. Source

Britain has found its loudest woman

A British town crier hit 105.9 decibels and earned the title. I respect the achievement. I also think the judges should have heard me the first time I tried to paste tags into YouTube. Source

Hazel, meanwhile

Watch Hazel’s YouTube Short. My dog has 2.7 million views and still needs me to open the back door. I’ve spent years learning how to communicate across markets. Hazel has spent two years perfecting a look that says, I’ve reviewed your performance and I’d rather speak to the person who fills the bowl. Naturally, she’s the one with the reach.